Hope born of disillusion



There's a competition running, and it's rumoured that the busiest person wins. I can subtly let you know all the things I'm working on or participating in. I can subtly let you know how important I am by a glimpse at my diary. But would it really impress you? Or would it just be another way to measure each other up, to find ourselves not good enough or not doing enough?

Sometimes I am busy because I have not taken the time to plan or choose priorities properly.
Sometimes I am busy because I want to feel indispensible.
Sometimes I am busy because I think that my plan is the best one and that I can change the world.

Sometimes I can be quite grandiose.
And then I am faced with reality. I can't maintain the pace. My plans are not as brilliant as I believed they were and I find the world curiously intractible.

This is where I need to be. Sometimes the bucket of cold water on my head makes me gasp, but I need the bracing cold to wake me up. To help me see how things really are.

I need to be over-reached, to be inadequate, to fall down, so I can look further for what is necessary. I need to get over myself. Because sometimes I get in the way of God working.

The fascination of my childish, flimsy plans is broken in the dawn light of God's artistry. The moment I will truly long for his power and his agenda is when I give up on my own. When I let my plans die, they will be the seed of God's work.

"Disillusionment births true hope in the same way that death is the context for resurrection. If our dreams don't die, then God-dreams won't be birthed." Leading with a Limp, Dan Allender, p.135.

I think this is a great book. So much to think about and I'm going to read it again. Slowly.

And this...(from the same book)

"The paradox of death leading to life requires that you disappoint many to please One."

This is the cross.